Our local park has a wonderful little day camp that the YMCA heads up during the summer. It’s really laid back. You can participate some days, decide not to other days…show up late, leave early. Sometimes we take advantage of the program, cause frankly…any adult showing any amount of interest in any of my children proves to be a much needed break from the constant questions and requests and shoe tying and head nodding and guiding and coaxing that comes with the territory of being 100% invested in your kids childhood. Mostly I’ll drop the 3 older kids off and run 1 or 2 errands and return with the 2 little guys so Owen can participate in the end of day craft. I lay out a blanket and set the baby down and read or write or stare off or deep breath or pass out…whatever is needful, while the camp counsellors enjoy the mess my kids are known to make with paint. Today was no different. I sat enjoying Max’s giant, chubby smiles while the kids played freely on the playground. Iris and Flynn came and sat on the blanket…goofy, giggling. I sensed they had something to share with me. Iris begins, “Mom, Flynn set up a little prank for me in the bathroom.” She’s all smiles.
I turn my attention from blowing raspberries on Max’s belly…”Oh yeah? Like, what kind of prank?” My “super-furrow” fully in place.
Flynn won’t allow Iris to steal his thunder, “I put ketchup packets under the toilet seat…”
Iris eagerly chimes in, “and when I sat down…BOOF! Ketchup went everywhere!” They are both laughing.
“ARE YOU KIDDING!?” I forcefully inquire.
“Mom, we cleaned it up.” Flynn assures me.
“But we did set up another little prank for someone else…”
“What!?”
My attention is turned towards the bathrooms. There is a small crowd. Some children, a parent, a counselor, the lady who cleans the bathrooms. I want to crawl out of my skin…perhaps return at a later date. The woman in charge of the bathrooms steps to the center of the park and announces, “Hey guys! I don’t know who is making messes in the bathrooms with ketchup, but you need to come clean it up!” By this time the twins have resumed playing on the playground. They immediately climb down from the spiderweb and walk towards the woman. I watch from a distance…they have been turned over to the wolves. The mother walks beside Flynn, shaking her finger at him…saying something. I remain on my blanket…partial disbelief washing over me. I want to pretend I’m very preoccupied with my fussy baby, but he’s not fussy. He’s laying there like a little angel. He might as well be saying “Go ahead mom. I can see that you have something to take care of. I’ll be here, just behaving myself while you deal with your oldest children and all the embarrassment they have brought upon the family.” I let a few minutes go by. I call Chris. Surprise him with the news. He assures me that we are not raising delinquents but are in fact raising kids who aren’t afraid to “try things out” and “see how things go.” We decide that the twins will clean the bathrooms for the next 3 days of camp. I hang up the phone and approach the first counselor.
“Hey…So I’m sure you realize that was my kids that did the ketchup in the bathroom…I am so sorry. I really couldn’t be more embarrassed…”
He’s shaking his head…”Honestly, I never would have guessed it was them…”
“Ya, I don’t know if they realized that it was a bad thing to do…they came to me on the blanket and mentioned doing a little prank…I’m just so sorry.”
He assures me it’s no big deal and says how nice it was that they confessed and cleaned it up.
I approach the next two women that are owed apologies…I may not have been cleaning up ketchup, but I was instead cleaning up the aftermath of raising some free spirited, unknowing little pranksters. As I near the women I over hear “…what would ever make a child do something like that…”
“Hi! That was my kids!” (I’m feeling more confident as I recite the apology for the second/third time) “I guess Flynn read about it in a comic book and I really don’t think he considered the consequences. I am embarrassed and ashamed and I spoke to my husband and we decided the twins can clean the bathrooms for the next 3 days.”
“Oh. Well that would be fine. We have gloves and cleaning supplies.”
“Great. And again, I’m just sorry.”
The twins spent the next 3 days cleaning the bathrooms after camp and one of the overseers of the park let me know that they were very respectful, hard working kids and “all kids make mistakes, but the way they came forward and have followed thru with cleaning really said something about what kind of kids they are…”
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about “the things you didn’t know you were signing up for” when you become a parent. I had no idea that I was actually volunteering to walk beside someone while they build every ounce of character that their growing frame can equip itself with. I had no clue the amount of “witnessing of catastrophe” that would be involved. No one mentions the endless “we don’t talk about poop at restaurants” mini classes I’d be teaching. People fall out of trees while I’m in charge. They wreck their bikes. They fight with each other. They take each others stuff. They say “swears”. They PEE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR!! They waste ALL the milk. They DONT eat meals but they DO eat snacks. They break dishes and lose their shoes. And all the while I am the ever present stand by…with band aids and Clorox wipes and freely offered apologies. Oh yea, when you’re a mom, more appropriately a mom of five, you better have a ceaseless supply of heartfelt apologies ready to be offered at the drop of a hat (literally…like when your kid stands up in a crowded place and makes some kind of sudden, sweeping arm motion and knocks a persons hat off their head..). Grace for miles. Sometimes I become tempted to “never take these kids out in public again!” But then I try to remember that it is my job to change my children’s perspective. I looked at 3 1/2 month old Max the other day and I was struck with the realization that wherever I set him down, that’s what he sees. He doesn’t get to decide he’s bored looking at the ceiling fan and walls in the living room and get up and walk to the kitchen or back porch. He does start crying, however. And it’s my role to be his “perspective changer”. The same goes for the older kids. By the end of the week at the day camp, after Flynn and Iris cleaned the bathrooms for 3 days in a row, I asked them, “So guys, after cleaning the bathrooms for a few days, how would you feel if you went in to do your job and there was a huge ketchup mess for you? Would it make ya smile real big?” I don’t need to quote them…they knew it would suck. Sometimes your kids suck. And it’s your job to help them to want to suck less. Even excel if possible…cause whether you know it or not…you signed up for this. Cheers!
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