Hope

Writer’s block is alive and well over here on Cherry Street. So I decided to take all that lack of motivation and channel it into sharing that which I am holding closest to the heart right now. We all know that just because someone appears to be doing something crazy with some level of confidence, it does not mean that is in fact what is happening. Looks can be deceiving.

So I’m visiting my BFF in Steelton in mid-February. I last saw her in the flesh some five months prior (10 kids between us, we know we’ll hang out in our forties, for sure.) Noah (1yr) and Max (3) are settling in and pairing off with some of her gang. I use the bathroom. When I reemerge she alerts me that my phone rang twice. I look. Chris and The School. I call Chris.

“Hey, you get that message from the school?”

“Nope. I have one though.”

“Listen to it and call me back.”

I don’t know what to think. They’re alright kids so I highly doubted any of the four school-aged ones were causing trouble.

An automated message letting parents know that there has been a “vague, unspecified threat against the school district.”

Now, friends, we were a week out from the last mass school shooting. I know I wasn’t the only “helicopter parent” with that event pretty fresh on my mind.

I listen to the equally “vague” phone message to its end and then return Chris’ call…again.
We are like “Huh.”

“I’m at Mia’s. You think I should head home?”

“I don’t know, maybe. Probably not.”

We’re quiet.

“I’m sure its fine.”

We both know we don’t believe that anymore. That’s what every parent thinks, every day when they send their kid to school. It’s FRIGGIN SCHOOL! It’s FINE! Or was that more like 20 years ago?

Anyway, I chose not to overreact and Chris decided to do likewise, and I hold my breath through maybe an hour-hour and a half long visit with my friend, whose face I miss very much since she moved out of our fine county 3 years ago.

On my drive home I try to decide if I should get the kids or if I should let them in school for the remainder of the day. I choose the latter, but I definitely drove a lap around the middle school and the elementary school. Things seemed normal, other than what appeared to be a few kids being picked up. I went home and hung tough till dismissal.

Upon reuniting with my middle schoolers, they shared that there was a mild hysteria among their classmates. The elementary school did not experience this. I believe the difference between the two could be the number of kids equipped with smartphones in middle school. They’re a great tool, perfect for navigation and communication. Sadly, the information communicated through these devices isn’t always what we parents would hope for it to be. My kids weren’t seeing the Facebook post on the school’s page, so they were only hearing the news from other students. Doors were locked. Kids were denied access to the bathrooms. Apparently, there were even some exceedingly dramatic students, crying, screaming.

This is where I share the part of the story that I could most likely receive judgment concerning. Our kids never went back to school. Yes, we are aware that nothing happened. We know it was just some kid playing a prank. But we aren’t interested in receiving the next message, which could potentially be delivering less hopeful news. There was a time when Chris and I cared a lot more about what other people thought. We cared what our friends thought, what our parents thought, what other peoples friends and parents thought. Those days are in the past.

Every day we are faced with decisions. Hard ones, easy ones, unnoticeable ones. We spent the rest of that week really thinking about what our goals, hopes, dreams, and plans are for our kids. Rather than focusing on the negatives, the guns, the violence, the moral deficiency that is the most likely cause of our nations most significant problems… we decided to bask in the beauty of living in a country where we are free to do as we please with our children’s education. Within the week I reached out to a dear friend and mother of 15 who relocated to Ukraine to serve orphans with her brood. She writes curriculum and sells it on Amazon. She is the most outside of the box thinker that I have ever known. Her business, The Thinking Tree, is helping parents all over the world to feel more equipped for a task that can seem too overwhelming to want to undertake. She hooked us up with some fabulous workbooks, and we aren’t looking back.

I think that what I’m learning lately is that my kids need more guidance than I ever could have imagined. Our current school system has our children separate from us for the majority of the day and when they return we wonder why they can seem awkward or withdrawn. Thankfully my kids are still open enough to ask me questions they don’t know are horrible questions to have to ask. “Mom, what’s rape?”
I’m surprised but don’t show it, and I explain to my 6th graders what rape is.
“Why are kids joking around about something like that?!” my daughter asks with a disgusted look on her face. I don’t know how to respond.
“Mom, today I saw two boys grab the same girls butt…at the same time.”
I’m also without any real answers for my child. I want to just tell them, “Those kids have no parents.” …but the sad truth is that most of them do have parents.

I’ll be the first one to admit how hard being a parent is. I’m on the outs with one of my six children at almost all times, while I discipline them through some crap behavior. Teaching my kids how to be decent people is the most time-consuming task I’ve ever undertaken. It’s SO much easier to hand them a phone or turn on the TV and forget that they basically need molded and shaped 24 hours a day.

Perfect example. Chris’ parents gave him their old tablet for him to use for nursing school. Naturally, our kids use it for their 1/2 hour of gaming a day. One evening while we laid in bed, Chris started playing one of the games the kids downloaded. Bow Masters. He chose his character, a mime… his weapon was a baguette that he hurled through the air at his opponent. Seemed innocent enough. There were some definite math skills involved while you calculated the degree of angle needed to hit your target. It was slightly disturbing to watch the baguette impale the enemy, with the accompanying sound effect. I’m not old-fashioned or anything, so I observed longer… curious if Chris had what it took to win. He didn’t. And after he was hit for the 3rd time by the opposing robots’ sword, we both watched while his mime laid over and bled out excessively. I take that back. I’m old-fashioned. And I guess Chris is too… ’cause that game is gone.

I get it. It’s a game. Cartoon blood. No big deal. But like I tell my kids about their use of the words stupid, jerk, idiot, and shut up…when you’re 18, and you live on your own, you may fill your home with those words and many others. You may play bloody cartoon games. You can make terrible decisions and live with the results thereof. But until then, I’m your keeper peeps. So deal with it.

It’s nice to have our freedoms. It’s nice to have guns if you want guns. It’s awesome that we all have these screens that will show us ANYTHING we want and let us play whatever games we want. It’s great to be comfortable in your sexuality. It’s especially great to decide what’s best for your kid and have the freedom to act on it. I’m not sure what exactly is wrong in our country/world right now, but I’m finding its more productive to focus on what’s right. Here’s to finding hope, my friends. And hey, if you’re gonna do something a little crazy… may it be for your children’s sake.