As a dog returneth to its vomit…so also you can find me with a stash of these nasty little things in the immediate weeks before Easter. Only before Easter. Nothing worse than a stale Cadbury egg. Unless you hate Cadbury Eggs…like most human beings…then they are probably equally as bad. I reserve them for particularly stressful days. This also feels like a good place to admit that I stress eat WAY TOO MUCH peppered hard salami. It’s my weakness and I like to blame it on my polski roots. So if I live to 93.5 years old like my gramps…let legend have it that it was the Cadbury eggs and the salami…like those old people who smoked a pack a day and ate only hotdogs.

Daisy pulled the little fish bowl off the table today. I thought I was being slick, letting her watch Rick the Beta fish swim around while I got some housework done in her immediate vicinity. It actually was not slick…because I had a lapse in judgement and only remembered after the fact that you absolutely under no circumstances can trust a toddler. EVER. As I wrapped her bloody hand in a dish towel and fumbled around looking for something to scoop Rick off the floor with…somehow a butcher knife ended up being the utensil I used. After the immediate panic of the event, I pictured Rick flopping around on the dirty wood floor as I approached him from behind with the dull side of the butcher knife just thinking “What in the actual @&$*!?  Can I just get a ride back to That Fish Place!?”

I saved Rick. He’s in a little glass for the time being. Daisy wouldn’t let me near her hand. It was pretty sliced up. I got her to agree to keeping a paper towel wrapped around it.

Then after much bribing and finally a detaining…she let me apply neosporin and a bandage. Just in time to get out the door to pick Noah (6) up from school and get him down the street to the dentist. He came home last week with a paper that stated he had a dental exam at school and he had “Multiple dental caries.  Top/bottom.”  I am always clueless as to which kids have been to the dentist and how recently. Covid really threw our whole schedule off and I never got back in the swing of things…but I felt positive that he’s been there more recently than some of the others.  So I got on the horn to the dentist yesterday…they were booking out to September. But you better believe that the woman I spoke to had six of her own children and I didn’t have to explain how I seemed to have lost track of this one in the grand scheme of scheduling dental check ups and now I’m officially a bad mom with a kid with a rotten mouth. She was so wonderful. Got me in the next day.

So we rushed out the door with Daisy’s wounded paw and I proceeded to really have a “nice time” holding impatient, writhing Daisy while the hygienist informed me that Noah actually had NO DENTAL CARIES…top OR bottom. He just happens to be a teeth grinder like many of his siblings before him and there is some discoloration as he’s worn some of the teeth down…but no cavities.  So that was awesome. Not as awesome as Daisy losing her mind at the little prize machine because she chose poorly and the tiny cactus eraser just wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped. I tried the old “Okay, well we’re going bye bye!  See ya later!”  She wasn’t buying it. Then I tried, “Come on Daisy!  Let’s go get a treat!”  Still nothing.  Actually, as another patient went through a nearby door she bolted and headed off to…I don’t know…start a new life with that person.  So yea…I ended up running after her in the dentists office and carrying her and all the coats and the note for school and my purse and whatever else under my arms.  She was kicking and screaming with her Civil War-esque bandage on her maimed hand and it’s moments like that when I think “This is a Cadbury Egg kind of afternoon.” Now let’s go make chicken stir fry for nine people before this sugar high wears off!!  Cheers!